Quotes from the Movie Army of Darkness

My name is Ash and I am a slave. As far as I can tell, the year is 1300 A.D and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this, I had a normal life, once. Hardware aisle twelve, shop smart, shop S-Mart! I had a wonderful girlfriend; Linda. Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomicon ex Mortis, the Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Sumarrian text contained bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods. It took Linda, and then it came, for me. It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. But that didn't stop it. It came back. Big time. For God's sake! How do you stop it?!

Ash

Give me some sugar, baby.

Ash

Good... bad... I'm the guy with the gun.

Ash

Alright... who wants some?

Ash

Yo! She-bitch! Let's go.

Ash

First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow.

Ash

Don't touch that please. Your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and... things with molecular structures and the-

Ash

Keep your damn filthy bones outta my mouth.

Ash

Alright, you primitive screw-heads, listen up! See this? This... is my boomstick! - It's a twelve-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt-blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right... shop smart. Shop S-Mart... You got that?!!

Ash

Now I swear the next one of you primates even touches me...

Ash

KLAATU... VERATA... N--... necktie... nectar... nickel... it's an n-word, definitely an n-word... It's definitely an n-word.

Ash

Shut the door! Were you raised in a barn?! ... probably was raised in a barn with all the other primitives...

Ash

It's a trick. Get an axe.

Ash

Maybe. Just maybe my boys can protect the book. Yeah, and maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot.

Ash

Now whoa whoa whoa right there spinach chin!

Ash